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Category: Atheist Jihad

Newt Gingrich’s Contract with God

Shortly after the election, I remember some comments about hope for a new Contract with America type effort as a backlash against an overreaching Democratic Congress.

However, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has made clear what an updated Contract with America would look like; as published in his 2005 book, Winning the Future: A 21st Century Contract with America.

One of his core proposals is re-establishing “the centrality of our creator in defining America.” This is to be accomplished by compelling the judiciary to reinterpret the Establishment Clause to allow for the integration of God into public venues, especially the schools. His book includes a chapter on this point arguing based upon an original intent analysis.

Gingrich has been forming a grassroots political organization ’American Solutions’ for the implementation of new contract agenda. “The Drill Here Drill Now” mantra from the last election was one of their productions. On the group’s website, central within the issue forums for policy brainstorming is an area entitled “Religion & Public Life.”

One of Gingrich’s recent public campaigns has been for the integration of religion into the new Capitol Visitor’s Center. Posted days after the Republican electoral defeat, a recent video featuring Gingrich and his wife promotes the issue, a petition drive, and a companion movie “Rediscovering God in America.”


Reviewing this post, without other context, I see that it is written so factually that it may not be evident that I damn Gingrich and his supporters for this corruption.

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Why is it OK to make fun of Christians but not Muslims?

Many Christians have been complaining about the multiculturalist crowd being offended at people making fun of Muslims but not when people make fun of Christians.

Most importantly, every adult that talks to their imaginary friends are either a prime candidate to be the object of humor, or institutionalized if they are a direct physical danger to themselves or others. This includes Muslims, Christians, and all other devoted followers of the Invisible Sky Daddy. Fortunately, it generally isn’t necessary to make the effort to make up jokes about them as they do that themselves when they open their mouths.

One good self-interested reason not to make fun of Muslims is that members in good standing of that faith have been seriously deadly in the name of that faith not only recently but for more than a thousand years. Truly, the vast majority of Muslims are not personally violent, even if in many cases they do morally, spiritually, and financially support violence by other Muslims against innocent individuals.

Instead of protesting in the face of religiously inspired murders that Islam is non-violent, how about peaceful Muslims do something useful? At next Friday prayers, maybe all the moderate peaceful Muslims who actually exist could take the violent jihadists aside (and you actively know who they are because you don’t want your kids playing with them) and convince them to wear funny hats so that they could be easily distinguished from the peaceful ones. In return, it will be easy to tell which moderate peaceful Muslims to make jokes about and which jihadist Muslims to pacify.

In addition, especially outside of this country, Muslims live in cultures where Aristotle is now completely absent. To find something similar in this country you would have to go to a Protestant church or a university faculty lounge. No wonder they act illogically, they don’t even know that logic was invented. Humor would go right over their heads; non-contradiction, what is that?

In contrast to the majority of Muslims in backward cultures around the world, Christians in this country have the opportunity for a great life, thanks to Aristotle and his descendents. Despite this objective fact, these Christians insist on believing that life in reality sucks and that life’s goal is an imaginary place after death because of a book written by shepherds in a desert says so. That is a pretty good reason to make fun of Christians!

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April Fools Day Cancelled

With wide-eyed anticipation, I got up this morning and ran to the computer expecting to browse wondrous gifts of spring humor; but, NOTHING!!!! What evil conspiracy is afoot? I suspect the Invisible Sky Daddy, or at least his multitude of minions.

Remember three years ago, when John Cox was imprisoned because his creative license had expired. How about the empty dialogue bubbles incident in 2005? Oh, how I miss the censored card game between Mo’, Jess, Mo’, and a cigar smoking pig; good times {wiping nostalgic tear from my eye}.

Right now, I could really use a good vehicle April Fools joke from Nick Provenzo: the van down by the riverand the monster truck for Capitalism.

Images: Center for the Advancement ofCapitalism

This year’sC&F April 1 offeringgave me the clue I needed for my missing chortles. My conclusion, the theists have ruined the innocent humor of April Fools Day by making a deadly laughing stock of themselves every day of the year.

This is why today, on this high holy day of humor, I declare an Atheist Jihad on the Muslims, Christians, and Environmentalists.

As YouTube’s Captain Awesomehas explained, in an Atheist Jihad, Atheists don’t try to kill or physically maim the true believers, instead we make fun of them, their ridiculous beliefs, and of course their Invisible Sky Daddy.

To begin this Atheist Jihad, I have a suggestion for the FBI. Overtime, I have been very critical of them for not having more than one terroriston their Ten Most Wanted Fugitive List, despite having many opportunities to fill vacant slots. While we all really hate bank robbing murdering pedophiles, the FBI has declared fighting terrorists as their primary mission and not a side feature, and their actions should probably not contradict their stated mission, if they want to be taken seriously.

Now that the FBI has captured the infamous gangster Shauntay Henderson, let me suggest another fugitive from justice to add to their Top Ten dragnet. So that it is not too much of a departure from their usual focus, my suggestion is not just a terrorist, but also a pedophile. If the FBI is too busy to track down this fugitive and his “gang,” perhaps they should refer the case to Fred Thompson over at “Law & Order: SVU.”

My nominee to be inducted into the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives List is: Mohammed, curses be upon him and his thoughtless followers. To aid in the FBI investigation, below is a video taped confession by Mohammed and a proposed Wanted poster.

Mohammed’s Confession

Wanted Poster

Video and Poster via Captain Awesome

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