With wide-eyed anticipation, I got up this morning and ran to the computer expecting to browse wondrous gifts of spring humor; but, NOTHING!!!! What evil conspiracy is afoot? I suspect the Invisible Sky Daddy, or at least his multitude of minions.

Remember three years ago, when John Cox was imprisoned because his creative license had expired. How about the empty dialogue bubbles incident in 2005? Oh, how I miss the censored card game between Mo’, Jess, Mo’, and a cigar smoking pig; good times {wiping nostalgic tear from my eye}.

Right now, I could really use a good vehicle April Fools joke from Nick Provenzo: the van down by the riverand the monster truck for Capitalism.

Images: Center for the Advancement ofCapitalism

This year’sC&F April 1 offeringgave me the clue I needed for my missing chortles. My conclusion, the theists have ruined the innocent humor of April Fools Day by making a deadly laughing stock of themselves every day of the year.

This is why today, on this high holy day of humor, I declare an Atheist Jihad on the Muslims, Christians, and Environmentalists.

As YouTube’s Captain Awesomehas explained, in an Atheist Jihad, Atheists don’t try to kill or physically maim the true believers, instead we make fun of them, their ridiculous beliefs, and of course their Invisible Sky Daddy.

To begin this Atheist Jihad, I have a suggestion for the FBI. Overtime, I have been very critical of them for not having more than one terroriston their Ten Most Wanted Fugitive List, despite having many opportunities to fill vacant slots. While we all really hate bank robbing murdering pedophiles, the FBI has declared fighting terrorists as their primary mission and not a side feature, and their actions should probably not contradict their stated mission, if they want to be taken seriously.

Now that the FBI has captured the infamous gangster Shauntay Henderson, let me suggest another fugitive from justice to add to their Top Ten dragnet. So that it is not too much of a departure from their usual focus, my suggestion is not just a terrorist, but also a pedophile. If the FBI is too busy to track down this fugitive and his “gang,” perhaps they should refer the case to Fred Thompson over at “Law & Order: SVU.”

My nominee to be inducted into the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives List is: Mohammed, curses be upon him and his thoughtless followers. To aid in the FBI investigation, below is a video taped confession by Mohammed and a proposed Wanted poster.

Mohammed’s Confession

Wanted Poster

Video and Poster via Captain Awesome

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